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Uncomfortable Conversations
UNCOMFORTABLE CONVERSATIONS
You are going to have a few of these in your lifetime. Most of us just do not know how to communicate effectively. We tend to be defensive, blame or justify and we have this need to be right. This just does not sit well with us.
What if we could do this in a way that works for everyone? Conversations are between 2 or more people, but the good news is, you only have to change one person and that is you. You can only change you.
Emotionally charged
A lot of difficult conversations are generally emotionally charged and the most important thing to remember is to manage your mind around it. You have to go into the conversation with clear thinking. Blaming, being defensive and frustrated and trying to justify yourself will get you nowhere. All you do is get the other persons back up.
The good news this is a great learning opportunity. If you feel you are being triggered by what someone says, use that information to figure out why it triggers you. Try on what the person is saying and ask yourself “is it true?”, if not, you will be able to answer or respond in a very different manner. If it is true, you have some work to do and then also you will respond very differently.
Want to chat?
Please Ladies, if anyone needs coaching, contact me. Sessions are between 20-30minutes in length.
This may seem short, but you will be surprised at how much can be accomplished.
My Journal
Every day has a “Mmmoment…” to write down your thoughts of gratitude, your belly-tingling thought of the day or just something that makes you smile.
Insist that you are right
If you indulge in being defensive, blaming or insist that you are right, you may have a sense of satisfaction, but at what cost? This costs you the relationship ultimately. It gets you nowhere. But ladies, we all do it, we are human.
Give up trying to be right all the time, that is the path to a peaceful relationship. No one is right or wrong, no one wins. The person you are trying to convince walks away feeling disconnected and you both lose.
Go into a difficult conversation willing to be wrong. When someone comes at us with why they are right and you are wrong, all you end up doing is thinking what you will say back to them. But if you are willing to be wrong and you listen to what they have to say, why they are right, you are opening up yourself and being curious.
This is a different energy than being defensive.
Uncomfortable Conversations
This is where you take responsibility for your part of the conversation, you hear them out and then you just take out the facts of the conversation. Repeat those back and ask if the other person agrees. Things like I am a woman, you are a man, the car is red, we went to a restaurant. Neutral things that are common ground.
Disagreeing
Now what those facts mean to the other person and what they mean to you will be very different. You will know what they are making it mean, because they would have just told you their story. You can then tell them what you are making the facts mean. This is why you are disagreeing.
No one is right or wrong here, you just have different sentences in your brain about the facts.
Let’s do an example: You ask your husband to bring home some bread on the way home from work. He comes home and no bread. Ask him what happened. He may say he forgot, or the store was out, or he would go later that afternoon….The fact here is you asked your husband to bring home bread. You can both agree on that. Your husband is making it mean he would go later, or whatever. You are making it mean, he is not listening to you or what you are thinking.
Conflicting sentences, but no one is right or wrong here.
Next you are going to talk about solutions. Something you can both agree on. No more talk of the problem, only come up with solutions. This process is extremely powerful.
You could very easily be fighting about this for hours, trying to figure out who is right and wrong, and then you start slinging mud about all sorts of things that have nothing to do with the conversation in the first place. This does not benefit anyone, ladies.
This takes practice ladies, especially when you are feeling emotional about what is being said. Remember, to take a step back, think with a clear mind and approach the conversation in this way.
Till next week, ladies, have a wonderful week.
A
Xxx
PS I have officially completed my coaching course, so please contact me at hello@lliautism.net to book your consultation!! Can’t wait to hear from you.