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Trigger Events
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This may seem short, but you will be surprised at how much can be accomplished.
My Journal
TRIGGER EVENTS
We all get triggered, either by something someone says or does or even from hearing something seemingly random. Most of the time we then blame the other person or event for making us angry or sad or however the trigger manifests for us.
But triggering is all about us and it is our responsibility to figure out why we were triggered and then deal with it in an appropriate way. This will look different for each person.Â
Being Overweight
Let’s use the example of a person who is, in her mind, overweight. She has various thoughts and feelings about this and when someone comes along and offers her some free gym sessions, she freaks out.Â
She may be thinking, why does this person not mind their own business, does this person thinks she needs to go to gym, how dare they…..and so on. She has been triggered.Â
Now another lady who is a similar weight may get the same offer and she is ecstatic that she is getting some free sessions, she may be thinking that she really wants to exercise and get fit, or she may like to try some different gym classes to see what she likes. Two very similar circumstances, two very different reactions.
Good News
The good news is that it is wonderful to get triggered. You get to know yourself and can investigate and be curious about your thoughts around the subject. Instead of getting angry with the other person or yourself, you can really get to know yourself. Some useful questions to ask are:
- What am I making it mean? What am I making it mean that he offered me free gym sessions? What am I making it mean that she got the job I wanted….
- What am I thinking about what was said or what happened? Just list all the things that pop into your head, no matter how silly or insignificant they seem. Now pick the one thought that stands out above the others and ask:
- How do I feel when I think this thought? Just one feeling – sad, angry, attacked, abandonment, scared, fear, anxiety….you get the idea.
- What do I do or not do when I feel this way? Generally you will see that this is the reaction you have, you may lash out at the person, or pull away, leave or you may have these looping thoughts going round in your head.
- What is the result of all of this? What effect does all of this have on you?
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After answering all of these questions for yourself, you will notice what it is that is causing the feeling of being triggered for you. Once you are aware of what this is, it is so much easier to work on this particular issue or even change it, if this is what you want to do.
Again, it is never something outside of you that causes these emotions, it is your thoughts about what someone said or what happened that caused you to react in this particular way. This is good, because it means it is in your power to change things.
Ladies, you know you all have that one person or persons that gets you going, but instead of avoiding them or trying to resist or mentally block them, treat them as your personal emotional trainers.
Let them do what they do and see what this brings up for you.
This is great exercise. You may have to do this several times with the same issue to really get to the bottom of it. Go to the above questions and pick another thought you had about the same issue. Let’s go back to our lady who was offered free gym sessions. One thought could be “they should mind their own business”, another “they think I need exercise because I am fat”, or “I am not good enough”. Pick a new thought each time and ask the same questions and sit with what you come up with.
What is going on in your mind?
I cannot tell you how powerful this technique is to get to know yourself better and to figure out what is going on in your mind. Our knee jerk reaction is that someone else caused you to feel in this manner, now you blame them for you feeling bad, therefore not taking responsibility for your part and hence giving up all your power, but in actual fact it is just what you are thinking about what they said and in that lies your power.
Let me know what triggers you and why…
See you next week.
A
💜💙💚💛
