Blog
Relationships
RELATIONSHIPS
We all have them, with family members, spouses, friends, work collegues and even random people you come into contact during your day to day life and most importantly, with yourself. How are you showing up in your relationships? Do you think your relationships are good? Are there some you would like to improve? Or some you just want to let go of?  It is up to you to decide how to manage your relationships. Yes, you! Not the other person.
Let me explain.
You have to take 100% responsibility for your part in the relationship and the other person has to take 100% responsibility for theirs. I say “have to”, but again you and the other person have a choice. You don’t have to, but if you want a relationship with someone you have to show up as the best version of yourself and that is your responsibility.
We all have manuals for other people, we are human. We want people to be like us, to do things we want them to do and say things we want them to say. Inevitably though this hardly happens and we get so devastated when they don’t. It turns out people don’t like being controlled!! They don’t want to be told what to do, how to behave or who to be. They want to decide that for themselves.
What about my spouse or my children?
Now I hear you asking, what about my spouse or my children? They should behave in a certain way because I have a contract with my spouse and well children are minors. Children are slightly different in that you are responsible for their well-being and upbringing. So you do tell them what to do and how to behave.
But do it from a clean space, you don’t have to get emotionally involved. By that, I mean you don’t have to get angry or blame them when they don’t listen. Ya’ll know what I am talking about here….You just have to keep repeating and showing them, without getting angry, that is how they learn. That is what kids do, they push boundaries all…the….time!
Spouses behaviour
So how should spouses behave? Any way they want to. Not what you want to hear, I know. The good news is that you can choose what you want to think about your spouse. If you think they are an idiot, guess how you are going to show up? If you think they are gorgeous, you are going to show up very differently. The choice is yours. And why would you want to think ill of your spouse when you can choose to love them instead.
Any person has the right to be whoever they want to be, if you want something and the other person wants the same thing, you have a want match and things are easy. However, when you don’t have a want match, you have to manage your mind around the issues. This does not mean that you condone or even have to put up with bad behaviour, you just have to decide what your boundaries are around your issues and enforce them when they are violated.
Want to chat?
Please Ladies, if anyone needs coaching, contact me. Sessions are between 20-30minutes in length.
This may seem short, but you will be surprised at how much can be accomplished.
Your choice
Having said this, it is also your choice whether you do want to have relationships with certain people. Some can be extremely challenging and the thought work around keeping such a relationship may not be worth it for you. In some cases, you may not have much of a choice of walking away and then you have to decide how you will negotiate the relationship that works for you.
Remember you have no control over the other persons behaviour, thoughts and actions.
Even if you think you have good relationships, things do tend to be difficult sometimes, totally normal, it does not mean anything has gone wrong. Even though it feels like it at the time, you think things are falling apart, get curious as to what you are thinking, what are you making it mean. Later, when the dust has settled, you realise that things are not as bad as they seemed in the moment.
This is a good time to really speak openly to the other person and perhaps decide in advance how you will react if such an issue comes up again.
Thoughts and feelings
Perhaps you are in a situation where you are the one being left, you feel as though you don’t have a choice since the other party wants to leave. There is nothing you can do about them leaving, you can do something about your thoughts and feelings about it. You will probably feel sad and angry and helpless, that is perfectly normal, but your power lies in choosing these feelings intentionally.
Only once you have worked through these feelings could you choose to feel better and eventually happy again.
No matter what relationships you decide to be in, know that it is in your power to show up the way you want regardless of the other party. How do you want to show up? If you want to love someone, do that, if you want to walk away then do that and like your reason!
Till next week
A
🧡💛💚
PS Should you need some coaching around your relationships, drop me a line and we will work on them together. Click HERE
Don’t forget to visit my “Journal Page“…Each month has an inspiring theme with quotes and anecdotes and plenty of space for your notes and thoughts.
