People Pleasing
How many of you are guilty of this? I am and working hard to stop. What does people pleasing look like? Doing things for others to your own detriment. Allowing people to treat you badly.
People Pleasing
How many of you are guilty of this? I am and working hard to stop. What does people pleasing look like? Doing things for others to your own detriment. Allowing people to treat you badly. Allowing people to dismiss you. Having people walk all over you. People pleasing is lying. Lying to yourself and to others. People pleasing feels good because you tell people what they want to hear and you get the response you want.
We do this all the time.
We tell people we would love to go to that concert, yet we hate being around a million people. Your partner brings over a friend who is rude to you and you don’t want to socialize with them. We often call people pleasing unconditional love, we let people do whatever they want because you love them unconditionally. This is not it. Loving yourself unconditionally and other people means you speak your truth and they get to speak their truth. If they don’t like your truth and speak up, that’s OK, you love them anyway.
A lot of people allow and do things for other people out of love, but when they are not in alignment and not telling the truth it is not out of love. It probably looks more like resentment. You can however choose to make a sacrifice for someone else, but you do it from a place of love. That feels amazing and good. This is a choice you make for that person.
Sacrifice – People Pleasing
For my child, I am willing to sacrifice a lot for him and it feels good. I am willing to sit in the car for an hour while he has horse therapy or go to the park for hours so that he can play with the gate to the park. Sometimes I would rather being doing something different, but I go and sit in the park anyway, I do this out of love.
Ask yourself if it requires you to lie?Â
For example, your partner asks you to drive them to the airport and you really don’t want to because you have had a rough day and then you lie and say you would love to. Instead of saying I am not really up to it, but I will take you. Do you see the difference? You made a sacrifice but at the same time you were being truthful.
It is important to be truthful to yourself as well. Are you telling yourself things are ok when really they aren’t? Pay attention to what you are saying and allowing. Pay attention to what is true for you, let your inner compass guide you. We are often taught from a young age, that we should not rock the boat, we should go along and not be “difficult”. We have done this for so long that we don’t listen or often don’t even know what we want or like. Now is the time to listen.
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People pleasing is easy.Â
It’s much easier to tell people what they want to hear in order to maintain surface relationships. It is so much harder to speak your truth and then deal with their reaction. People can react however they want and that is fine, be open to it. Love them and yourself anyway, that is unconditional love.
Acknowledge where you are lying and where you don’t have any boundaries. That is the first step, pay attention to it. See where you are calling it love at your own expense. Then you stop lying to yourself and eventually you will find it very difficult to lie to others. This is when you can start loving unconditionally.
Being on the flip side, being people pleased is also not all that fun. If they are being super nice to you, you may find it hard to say no. You may feel a sense of obligation or guilt. Here is this person trying to be nice and you feel like a horrible person when you cut them off. But if you have proper boundaries in place and say no in the first place (your truth), it feels loving.
People pleasing can come from a place of insecurity, because you want something from that person, be it love, attention, acknowledgment or something else. If this is you, ask yourself if this is why you are doing it, or is it genuinely from a place of love.
Let’s do some soul searching, my friend. If you are having difficulty with this, please email me on he***@ll*******.net
Till next week.
A
Xxx
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