Live Life Inspired
Manuals
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This may seem short, but you will be surprised at how much can be accomplished.
My Journal
Every day has a “Mmmoment…” to write down your thoughts of gratitude, your belly-tingling thought of the day or just something that makes you smile.
MANUALS
Do you expect your partner to tell you they love you? Do you expect your children to be polite? Do you expect your friends to phone you regularly? Do you expect your salary every month? All these are very reasonable requests, not? Actually, not at all! Bear with me here…
We all have manuals for other people, our partners, children, friends, even people or institutions we deal with. Manuals are rules we have for how other people should act and behave.
Manuals for ourselves
Each of us actually have manuals for ourselves. How often do you or other people follow your manual? Even if someone does manage to follow your manual, they probably are not doing it the way you want them to. How often do you say your partner should just know what to buy for your birthday or do for your birthday? How does that work out? I am guessing, not so good.
People act and behave the way they want to and there is nothing you can do about it. You can ask for them to do things and behave in a certain way, but if they do not comply with your request, you can choose not to be upset with them. Whether they decide to honor your request has nothing to do with you, it has to do with them.
Your partner cheats on you
If they do or act in a manner that is not acceptable to you, for example if your partner cheats on you, you get to choose whether that is a relationship you want to be in or not.
You may say that your feelings are hurt, but it is not because your partner cheated, but because of what you are thinking about the cheating. You may be thinking that they should not be cheating (rule you have for them), they don’t love you, your life is falling apart, all these are thoughts you are having about your situation and this is what is causing you hurt, not your situation.
Even if they do promise to be faithful and then are not, they can still behave the way that they want to, and many do. You have a choice; you can love them anyway or you can choose to leave and still love them. You can choose to not be angry and hurt, you can choose not to hate them.
Remember you are the person feeling these feelings, not the other person. You are feeling the love, the hurt, the anger, the hate. The other person does not feel them. How the other person perceives these feelings, if at all, are only in his thoughts about what you are saying or doing.
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It is my goal to respect the online privacy of visitors to Live Life Inspired’s website. Personally identifiable information, like an e-mail address, telephone numbers or personal information is used primarily for the purpose of administering and executing existing information for member records and applications. I do not disclose any information to 3rd parties.
Needs in a relationship
You often hear people talk about their needs in a relationship and that their partner has to fulfill their needs in order to be happy, but this is just a recipe for disaster.
They are giving all their power away to their partner. Again, they have a manual for how their partner should act or be. How much better would it not be if you could take care of your own needs and your partner takes care of theirs and you come together and just enjoy each other?
If you expect your partner to make you happy, you are giving them power over you. Then its inevitable that you will be unhappy a lot of the time because they will never be able to make you happy 100% of the time.
Your own happiness
You are 100% responsible for your own happiness, for all of your feelings. If you relied on one another to make the other happy, there would be a lot of manipulation and control going on, not at all healthy.
To let go of manuals, you first have to recognize that you do have a variety of manuals for all the people in your life. Stop trying to control other people.
Then you have to take responsibility for your feelings, regardless of how other people act. You have a choice in how you think about their behaviour. Based on your thinking, you could decide to love them anyway, walk away, set boundaries or not do anything. You could also decide not to make their behaviour mean anything negative.
By implementing this concept, you can save yourself a world of hurt and frustration and enjoy people and relationships without the conflict. On the same note, you are also free of other people’s manual they have for you. Can you imagine living a life where you let go of your expectations of others and just enjoy those relationships? Just letting those people be and do what they genuinely want to do?
Who do you have manuals for?
Till next week.
A
🧡💜💚