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How to deal with pain
HOW TO DEAL WITH PAIN
How do you deal with pain? Do you shrink and hide? Do you take it out on others? Do you try and avoid it at all costs? Or do you work through it? Do you treat yourself with compassion? We have all been there in one way or another. You would not be human if you have not experienced pain on some level.
Most of us don’t know how to handle it, but it is possible to process these emotions and come out the other side a stronger, more peaceful person.
Recently, I have come into contact with a few people who are in some serious pain and don’t seem to be able to navigate through it. They can’t seem to move on or move forward with their lives. This got me to thinking about what steps they could take to help them deal with all these emotions.
It is normal to feel pain
Firstly, it is normal to feel pain, it is going to happen, nothing is wrong, there is no reason to beat yourself up.
So you may react by crying, grieving, being angry, lashing out, ignoring, you may try to change what is happening, trying to change the other person’s mind. The trick is to feel all of it and don’t react to any of it.
If you are in pain and angry at the person you think is causing you pain, you will lash out and cause a huge amount of damage. This may seem helpful, but it prevents you from grieving, which is a super important part of processing pain.
Want to chat?
Please Ladies, if anyone needs coaching, contact me. Sessions are between 20-30minutes in length.
This may seem short, but you will be surprised at how much can be accomplished.
My Journal
Every day has a “Mmmoment…” to write down your thoughts of gratitude, your belly-tingling thought of the day or just something that makes you smile.
Take all the time you need
Don’t blame yourself or the other person/circumstance/event. This also holds up the process of dealing with the pain. You need to drop into your body and feel that pain. And yes, it is very uncomfortable and you think it will never stop, but it does, it becomes lighter and more manageable over time. Take all the time you need, there is no quick fix here. If you rush it, it will pop up again and again and take a lot longer than if you just sat with it.
If you are dealing with an overwhelming pain, it is a good idea to speak to someone that can help you, a therapist or coach, who can help you navigate your emotions and give you advice and tools to deal with your pain. It is not such a good idea to be crying on your friends and family’s shoulder as they will be sympathetic for a while, but will be unhelpful in showing you the way forward in the long run.
Opportunity to grow stronger
Also, you don’t want to avoid the pain by doing things that don’t serve you, like drinking, overeating, partying, watching excessive TV and so on. This is just putting the pain on hold. At some point you will have to face the music again. This is an opportunity to grow stronger, to decide who you want to be, how you want to show up.
You get to decide who you want to be now. Away from the person/circumstance or event that you feel caused your pain. Who are you without them or it? Question everything about what you want, to who you want to spend time with, what other opportunities would you like to explore. This will feel like you are in charge of your life again, you are taking your power back, you are not playing the blame game anymore. You get to decide where you go from here.
Let it go
The most powerful thing you can do for yourself is to let it go, you cannot control another person, or change the circumstances or the event. The only thing you can do is change your thoughts about them. The things that they did or what happened to you may effect you, but you are responsible for what happens after.Â
You are responsible for your thoughts and your feelings, this is where your power lies. Trying to control others makes you feel helpless, which ultimately causes you to feel more pain.
Feel compassion and love for yourself, the same as if a dear friend or family member were hurting.
Time to plan
Once you have gone through the steps above it is time to plan. Think of what goals you want to achieve, things that are difficult and challenging, that take up all this excess energy you now have. It is time to look into your future and decide where you are heading, the past is gone and behind you and no longer relevant. This releases you and gives your life a sense of purpose, of excitement, of power.
Before you know it, you will look back on this pain and realise it was just part of life, it was part of your growth, you got to be stronger and more powerful than ever because of it.
Ladies, should you be in this space, let me know if you need some coaching. I will help you work through all the things with you. Also I would love to know how this process works for you.
Till next week.
A
xxx