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How to deal with disappointment
HOW TO DEAL WITH DISAPPOINTMENT
One of my mentors, Brooke Castillo, who heads up the Life Coach School says that life is 50/50. 50% good, happy thoughts and feelings and 50% not so good thoughts and that this is perfectly normal, this is just life. So would it not be prudent to be able to handle some of the 50% that is not great in your life? Since it is going to happen anyway.
In the last week I have had to deal with disappointment. I felt it in my heart and stomach and ended up being so sad because of my thoughts around what happened. I just let it be what it is. And that’s so hard to do, because your knee jerk reaction is to stuff it down, or cover it up by eating, drinking, watching TV, spending (pick your vice). It’s all OK, it’s OK to be mad, it’s OK to be disappointed, it’s OK to cry, just feel all of it. I encourage you to, if that is what you need to do. Give yourself the space to do that. Don’t cause yourself undue, unnecessary suffering by thinking this is the end of the world, this should never have happened, my plans are ruined….see how things can spiral out of control?
Rather think, I choose to not be happy about this and I choose to be disappointed and sad, and that is OK.
What is not OK is to stuff down your feelings and cover them up with your “vice” of choice. This does not serve you or your situation in the least. Another thing which is not OK is to want to control what happened, control someones’ actions. No matter if everyone agrees that it was not right or they should not have done that, you cannot control what other people do or say. You can only control your thoughts around what happened.
During this process it is super important to be kind to yourself, give yourself the space to feel your feelings, all of them. Don’t beat yourself up for your feelings, these are so natural. It does not mean things have gone horribly wrong, it is just life happening. You will get through it and you will notice that when you stay with your feelings for however long it takes, they eventually start dissappating. See this as a learning opportunity, learning to feel the feelings, learning what comes up for you, to not being afraid of your feelings. The next time disappointment pops up you can go, oh yes….hello there, I know what happens now and I will be OK.
The thing is we are so resilient as human beings, what you think is so hard right now, you may not even remember in a few years time or maybe you will, but you will know you can deal with hard things. Life is not perfect all the time, but if you can manage your mind and thoughts you are going to be ahead. We are human and it’s going to get messy sometimes. Use this information, when you are not happy or things are not going your way, be curious, find out what you do want, what does make you happy, this is all great information.
Ok so now you have made space for how you feel, once you do that you also feel a sense of calm as there is no resistance. Let this take as long as it takes, you can still go about your day enjoying things and still feel disappointment or sadness. It’s not mutually exclusive.
Have compassion for yourself for having these feelings, they are not wrong, they just are, love yourself anyway. Doesn’t that feel better than beating yourself up about how you feel? And now when you accept yourself and your feelings you can change them if you want. It does not have to be a big change, just a small shift in thinking, one that makes you feel a bit better….like what if I tried something different….or what if I kept going….does your energy not feel a bit better asking these questions? When you have a shift in energy, you will find better things coming into your life.
Be grateful for all of it, all the feelings, the good and the unpleasant. It is showing you life, it is showing you how to live on purpose and with curiosity. Is it not amazing that we have the ability to feel a whole range of emotions and change them as we see fit?
Ladies, please share your disappointments and how you deal with them…
Thank you for reading.
xxx
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