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Holding Space
HOLDING SPACE
Currently we are learning the concept of holding space for your client in life coach training and that got me thinking about how we can do this in our everyday lives as well. So we are basically being taught that as a coach we will typically not show up as a friend who will empathise with your situation, who will agree with you because we are there to teach you skills, but rather show you what is going on in your mind without getting involved.
However, this is a completely safe and loving space to talk about stuff.
This is known as holding space for your client.
I think this concept could be brought into your relationship with your friends and loved ones to a degree. What this may look like as a friend is you want to listen and be compassionate, keep your opinions at bay and not start thinking about a response while your friend is still talking.
If you do this, you may miss things, a subtle body gesture, facial expression or nuance in her words, which could make all the difference in how you are viewing the situation.
Now you may want to give advice or just be a listening ear, whatever is expected of you and know the difference. There is nothing worse than when someone just wants to vent and you jumping in with solutions….so irritating right?
Giving Space
Give your friend the space to act out any negative thoughts and feelings and just listen. Don’t underestimate the power of doing this. Your friend will feel the space and love in this action and appreciate you all the more for it. This conversation is not about you, but being there for another human being as best as you could possibly be in the most loving space possible.
Personally, you may judge her, think she is going down the garden path, thinking would do things differently, want to jump in and help, make her feel better. Don’t! You are there to listen, hold the space until she is done and then ask her if there is anything you can do to help.Â
- Does she want your opinion?Â
- Does she want your help?Â
- Does she want your advice?
If so, feel free to give it, but make it from a place of so much love. So if you have to give her some difficult advice or tell her some challenging truths you are doing it with love and she will know the difference.Â
Remember it’s not about you!
She may not though and be quite angry at you and that is OK too, here again hold the space for her anger, allow it. Remember this is not about you, this is the space for her to feel and then let go of those feelings if she is ready.
What if you did the same for your spouse or loved one? Hold space for them to just be themselves, warts and all and still accept them for who they were.Â
If you could listen to them and see where they are and not to where they are in relation to you, but as separate people. Guaranteed they would have a deeper sense of trust in you as well as the freedom to just be themselves.Â
For you it may feel like getting to know them for the first time, this person you have been living with, who is always there in your space, but not really seeing. You could get quite curious about your person. Is he/she still the same person you met at the beginning of your relationship? Have they changed? Have they grown? How are they different? They might surprise you ladies!
Children
Equally you could hold space for your children.Â
Children are generally a hot mess, they are loud and naughty and messy and emotional and completely lovable.Â
Can you hold space for them when they throw a tantrum or behave badly or out of character? Do you take the time out to see them and be curious as to what is going on? Children are so responsive to you if you get to their level and talk to them and really listen to what is going on with them.Â
My beautiful son is non-verbal and has meltdowns because he gets quite frustrated, but taking the time to put him on my lap, if he lets me, and talking to him about all sorts of things, relating to the incident or not, always calms him down. I do not always know what is behind the meltdown, but talking to him in a gently, loving, calm way always diffuses any situation.
So hold space for the people in your life and be curious about them with love and see what you learn. I would love to hear what came up for you.
Lots of love to all my ladies and yes gents who read my blog. Have an amazing February.
A
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