From Caterpillars to Butterflies

Just like when you have a neurotypical child, your autistic child will be going through different stages and it will be on their own timeline.  There will not be a book or any information on when your particular child will be doing anything.  They are such unique little beings and in their own way they are teaching you to let all the “should’s” and “have-to’s” go for your own sake and theirs.

They will do things when they are ready.  This does not mean that you don’t continue to teach them and guide them, you do.  It is just that they will catch on in their own time.  Our only goal for them, apart from loving them fiercely, is to help them get to independence and to be able to function well in the world.  Some of our babies will catch on pretty quickly, others will take a while.  Your child may talk beautifully, but they may have eating issues, or take a long time to potty train.

From Caterpillars to Butterflies

No matter where your child is on this journey, is fine.  It does not help you or them to think of them as behind or not capable, just that they are following their own path and you are there to help them find the best way for them.  And goodness, don’t think it is going to be a straight path either, it will be full of squiggles and regressions and at times shooting forward.  It is our job to make peace with whatever comes up.  We, as parents of autism, have to be particularly open minded when it comes to our babies.

If you have a set agenda for them, you will be disappointed.  If you expect them to be potty trained, talking or social within a certain time period, you are setting yourself up for heartbreak.  Of course, we want what is best for our children and wish for so much more for them and it is possible, just drop your timeline for all of it.  This allows you to be more open, accepting, you get to enjoy the process with your child and actually see how far they have come.

It is always important to celebrate the small victories, because often they are just that….small.  But so much bigger in the context of what we are dealing with.  While we have this lofty goal of getting them to independence, take the time to see your child, to see their uniqueness, their quirks and their absolute love and joy for life.  It always amazes me to watch my son, Max, when he gets up in the morning.

What a way to start the day!

He is ready for the day, smiling, laughing, jumping around, moving his body, handing out lots of loves and you can see the absolute joy he has that it is a new day.  What a way to start the day!

There are also the transitions which we make for them and how they manage to navigate those.  As many of you know we moved from South Africa to America, which is huge change in my life, not to mention in the life of an autistic child.  While the move was pretty seamless, there was a lot of emotion, anxiety and uncertainty, which is to be expected.

While I was able to process a lot of these emotions quite easily, not so much Max.  I am happy to report that it took almost three months, but he is calmer and more settled than even before we left.  Did I think it was going to be quicker, sure.  My child processed what was happening on his own timeline and holding the space for him to do that, has only been beneficial to him.

From Caterpillars to Butterflies

Max loves adventure and exploring, yet there is a process he has to go through in order for him to enjoy these things.  So it does not mean that your child should not be introduced to new things, they just need the time to process.  Anything new for our children is sometimes really difficult and it is up to you to find the best way for them.  Perhaps it means you need to introduce new things slowly.  Perhaps you need to do a lot of prep beforehand so that they are aware of what is coming.

Forget about how it should be and take your que from your baby.  What an amazing journey!

Till next week.

A

Xxx

We like to be able to control our lives and that of our children and our autistic babies challenge that at every turn. If you would like to “let go” of the reins, yet still want to push them to be their best, I can help. Sign up for a consult and we can talk on how best to do this. Click HERE

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