Explaining autism to friends & family

As we all know parenting a child with autism is no walk in the park, but it is also filled with joy and love.  One of the most significant challenges that we face as parents is explaining autism to friends and family member who may not fully understand the condition.  While their intentions may be good, the lack of understanding can lead to misconceptions and misunderstandings.  So let us explore effective ways to explain autism to friends and family so that they can provide meaningful support to both your child and yourself.

Begin by providing basic information about autism to your friends and family

Explain that autism is a developmental disorder that effects social interaction, communication and behaviour.  Emphasize that autism is a spectrum disorder, which means it varies from person to person and each child with autism is unique.  This will also help them to not compare your child with another child with autism.  Many people’s reference to autism comes from the movie “Rainman”, which is just one person with autism.  Luckily there are quite a few programs out representing people with autism, The Good Doctor and Extraordinary Attorney Woo (which I love).  Interestingly enough neither of these actors are actually autistic in real life.

Personal stories can help bridge the gap between knowledge and understanding.  Share your experiences as a parent of an autistic child, including both the joys and the challenges.  Be honest and open about the struggles you face, but also highlight the moments of growth and connection you experience with your child.  Every time you encounter an opportunity where a person may make a comment about your child, you have the chance to educate.  Sometimes it may be just to mention that your child is autistic and a loving comment about what you child likes. 

Max gets a lot of comments on his dinosaur, Toto and we may tell them of his and Max’s travels.  This highlights the fact that some autistic children love travelling and have a sense of adventure, despite being autistic and having to have a fairly strict routine.

Explaining autism to friends & family

While it is important to acknowledge the challenges of autism, it’s equally important to highlight the strengths and abilities of individuals with autism.  Share stories of your child’s talents, interest and accomplishments.  You may even have some funny stories to tell, we do often find the humour in our challenges and would like to encourage you to do that.  Help your friends and family see beyond the diagnosis and recognize the unique gifts that each child with autism possesses.

Unfortunately, there are many misconceptions surrounding autism, fueled by stereotypes and misinformation.  Take the time to address any misconceptions that your friends and family may have.  Explain that autism is not caused by bad parenting or lack of discipline, and it is not something that can be “cured”.  One of my clients got a comment that her child did not seem autistic and while this may seem a compliment, it also negates the hard work she put in to helping her child acclimatize and become independent.  Encourage open dialogue and invite questions so that you can provide accurate information and dispel myths.  I also heard a story of an autistic child who pushed a fridge over onto his teacher and she was seriously injured.  The point of the story was that children with autism are often violent and uncontrollable.  However, while some are due to the fact that they are unable to communicate, a lot of children are actually very sweet and loving.

Boundaries with friends and family

It is important to establish boundaries with friends and family members as well.  Especially when it comes to well-meaning but misguided advice.  Let them know that while you appreciate their concerns, you are the expert when it comes to your child’s needs.  Be clear about what kind of support you need and how they can best help you and your family.

Explaining autism to friends & family

Encourage empathy and understanding by helping your friends and family see the world through your child’s eyes.  Share resources such as books, articles and documentaries that offer insights into the autistic experience.  Encourage them to engage with your child in meaningful ways, taking the time to listen and connect on their level.

Also give them practical tips for interacting with your child, especially if they have specific preferences or sensory sensitivities.  For example, let them know if your child prefers direct communication or if they need extra time to process information.  Seemingly well meaning jokes at your child’s expense are also to be discouraged, especially in front of your child.  Offer guidance on how to create a supportive environment that accommodates your child’s needs.  If we are invited out to friends and family, I always make sure I find out where we will be going, how many people are going and what type of gathering it is likely to be.  I know that if lots of people and children will be attending, this may not be the best place to take Max.  He gets overwhelmed by too many people and the noise of children playing.

Can be challenging

Explaining autism to friends and family members can be challenging, but it’s essential for building a strong support network for both your child and for you.  By starting to educate and sharing your experiences, you can help your loved ones become valuable allies in your journey.  There may be people who are not interested in learning and that is Ok.  Let them be.  You want a supportive network filled with understanding and loving people.

Till next week.

A

Letting people know that you have an autistic child and helping them to understand what it is all about is a big step and I can help you overcome any of these challenges. Sign up for a free consult and we can talk about how to work together. Click HERE

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