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Circumstances
CIRCUMSTANCES
The definition of circumstance is a fact or condition connected with or relevant to an event or action. How many of us make a circumstance to mean more than what it is: a fact…? I know I do. This is something I had to remind myself to do….just stick to the facts…and breathe!
A circumstance or fact is something all of us can agree on….the sky is blue, the scale says 60kg’s, she has blonde hair, it is Wednesday. It’s not negative or positive, it just is. Can we agree?
What happens though is that we have thoughts about these circumstances, we attach emotions to them and then the wheels come off. The scale says 60kgs and we berate ourselves for not being able to lose weight or keep it off or exercising enough…fill in the blank. Then in our minds 60 kgs becomes something negative, something we dread.
But now think about the ladies who are trying to put on weight or those that used to weigh 100kgs that are now at their target weight of 60kgs. How do you think they look at the 60kgs. Probably positively, right? These ladies see it as a win. Same circumstance: 60 kgs. The difference is the first group of ladies interpreted it to mean one thing and the second group to mean another. What both groups did though was attach a thought or several thoughts to this particular circumstance.
The fantastic thing about this is that we can change our negative thoughts or have no thoughts at all about a circumstance if we so wish. So if you are really battling with negative thoughts around something and find it hard to manage your emotions, this is a good way to deal with it. Easy peasy!! Nope, not even close. But this is a starting point and it takes practice. So catch yourself the next time you are feeling anxious or angry or disappointed…this is a good time to practice just seeing the circumstance as a fact, just neutral.
Another example is if your partner is saying mean things to you, you and everyone else can agree he is talking, there are words coming out of his mouth….circumstance. Words are neutral, he is talking – neutral. Your thoughts about his words are where the problem comes in. Yes most people would probably also agree he is saying mean things, but now you are interpreting his words, you are absorbing his words through your own filter and now your emotions go in a whirl. Remember your thoughts cause your feelings. And in order to manage your mind you need to manage your thoughts around his words. The best thing you can do for yourself is to keep your power. You are in control of your thoughts, no matter what anyone else says, you are in control of your emotions, no person can make you feel things, only you can do that.
This is not an easy concept for most of us, much less put it in practice. But on the other side of this ladies is ease. You create ease in your life when you take charge of your thoughts and how you want to think about things or not think about them at all.
In order to be an effective mom, wife, friend, employee or entrepreneur you need to look after yourself. And this means protecting yourself and your peace.
“Never let anyone succeed in making you doubt the decisions you took to protect your peace. Be proud of yourself for fully honoring you.” I saw this quote on Pinterest and we should make this a motto for ourselves. Now to get back to that feeling of peace, you can do several things, meditate, listen to soothing music, take a walk in nature. Also try to mitigate the stressors in your life, the negative people, social media, news, all the things that are facts, but could potentially get you in a downward spiral. You will start to feel more aligned and in tune with yourself.
Remember though if you are in such a situation, this is a perfect opportunity to practice keeping the facts neutral and trying not to have “thoughts” about them. This will take a huge amount of your energy, so be mindful of it. And ladies, we want our energy for other things, good things, we want to create our best life.
This includes having boundaries around yourself. It is not telling people what to do, it is telling them what YOU will do if they violate your boundaries and act in a certain way. Again, not easy, but the more you set them the more you will feel the peace and ease. Have boundaries for yourself too…. I am not going to climb on the scale every day, I am not going to speak unkindly to myself….whatever that negative thought is for you.
Just get back to the facts, the circumstances….they are all just neutral. And when you forget and you get in a tizz, just focus on having a great learning opportunity here, remove yourself from the situation and practice some self-care. Love yourself and support yourself no matter what.
Drop me a comment and let me know how you deal with the circumstances in your life….till next week ladies.
A
xxx
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