Autism on Parenting Relationships

This is a thing.  And this is something that you are going to have to work on religiously.  We all know that autism brings out the very best and the very worst in a person.  We are required to step up like never before.  Some of us take on this challenge, some of us run away and some do it kicking and screaming and complaining.  Which category would you like to fall in?  For me, it’s the first one.  But realistically speaking most of us fall in the other categories and that is ok.

Working on getting to the point where you have accepted the situation, and by that I don’t mean complacency, the quicker we can step into our power and make things happen for our children and for ourselves, the better.  Most people just don’t know how to do this and that is ok also.  There is a way to do this, there is a step-by-step plan and it is going to look different for everyone, for every family.

Autism on Parenting Relationships

Let us assume you have a partner who you are sharing this journey with, in some ways it is easier and other ways so much harder.  Easier in that you can share the load of your autistic child, other children, the family, your financial situation.  Harder in that there are two of you and more if you count your other children.  Everyone is going to have opinions, needs, wants and think they know what the correct path is to take and that can cause a bit of chaos.

Autism is for sure going to put a lot of strain on your relationship and especially if you have a weakness.  However, with a bit of work and a lot of communication, you can have a very strong bond and relationship with each other and with your other children.  It is just not going to look the way it would if you did not have to deal with autism, but it can be so rewarding.

It is imperative that you have regular family meetings to discuss your schedule and that of your child/children.  You need to work out in advance who is going to be taking care of what.  This cuts out the confusion and frustration and of course, the blaming.  My husband and I spend every Sunday with our schedules, he tells me what he has planned, I tell him when I have clients and calls and who can take Max to school and to his therapies.  Our schedules are also important for us as individuals as we also have goals that we are trying to achieve.

Refresh

As a backup, every morning we quickly discuss or refresh with each other and fine tune the details.  So we are both clear of what is expected of each of us.  Sometimes, we have to be a bit more flexible and we discuss that too.  Doing this means we work as a team, because we have the same goal. We are on the same page regarding what we want for Max.  This is another discussion point that is really important to have with each other.  Having the same outcome for your autistic child is one thing, the other part of it is how you get there.  This is where I find a lot of my clients get stuck as they don’t agree to the “how” and this leads to a lot of disagreements and fights.

This happens in my relationship as well.  My husband is more the disciplinarian and likes to have things done in a certain way and I am a little more flexible.  The result is that Max is more inclined to follow instruction when they come from my husband than when I give them.  So there are times I have to relent and let my husband determine the how and sometimes he will step back and let me determine the how.  By no means is this always an easy process, but we are always communicating and that is what is important.

Autism on Parenting Relationships

Our autistic children invariably take up a lot of our time and it can feel that there is very little left for the other siblings.  Here again you need to plan specific times and dates with your other children, where they get the full attention of each parent.  It may not look like both of you going to take the other sibling out as one has to look after your autistic baby, but your other children will really appreciate the one on one time they have with you.  They will appreciate when you do something that they really enjoy and having your full attention.

As your children grow older, they can also have an input into what they need from you and how they can assist with their autistic sibling.  Be aware that you are not relying on them too much to help you, as this may impact them negatively and they may be unwilling to step up when you need them to.

You can have an amazing relationship with your partner and your other children.

Till next week.

A

Xxx

If you are having trouble in this department, you find that you are fighting all the time, you can’t agree on anything, I can help. It is possible to have a really good relationship with your partner and your other children. Sign up for a free consult. Click HERE.

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