Acceptance

Today’s topic is quite a difficult one for us as parents of autism.  Acceptance.  When we get a diagnosis of autism we feel slammed.  Perhaps we have known for a while that things were not quite right, we noticed odd behaviours or our child did not hit the normal milestones, perhaps we thought, as I did, that my son was just a bit quirky and he had also been born prem.  It still comes as a shock, though.

However, as the realization came to us as parents, we had different ways of dealing with it.  Some of us ignored it, denied it, were angry about it, were depressed about, disillusioned and maybe even panicked.  All of us did not think that this would be our lives.  All of us would have gone through several stages in this process, which are very similar to the stages of grief.  The end point or should I say, the realization is to get to acceptance.

Acceptance 

Acceptance does not mean that we are happy with the diagnosis or what is happening, it does not mean that our lives are over, it does not mean that the tough times are going to be less tough.  Acceptance means accepting the hand that was dealt and making the best of it.  It is not a death sentence and just by changing your thinking about what is going on is going to help you going forward.

When you are stuck in the stages of grief, you cannot make good, informed decisions for your child or your life.  That also does not mean that you want to hurry up and get to the other side of grief.  Grief is a process and it will take as long as it takes.  However, staying stuck there is not going to do you or your child any good. 

When you get to acceptance, you generally have a clearer mind and you can start planning what is to happen next, you can start doing research and getting the help you need.  Having autism in your family requires you to be humble about the fact that you cannot do this on your own, you need help.  Whether it is through professionals, therapists, coaches like me or family and friends. 

Autism is still relatively new as far as medical diagnosis are concerned and there are a lot of theories of “why” floating about.  Right now, that is not the question to ask.  It will not come up with solutions for your child.  I want to urge you to concentrate on the way forward and what you can do to get your child the help that they need.

Acceptance

In seeking help and professional advice, keep one thing in mind.  You know your child the best, you know what they like, what they don’t, you know them better than any professional.  Professionals mostly know about autism, although not always and here is where your intuition comes.  If a doctor does not feel good to you, that doctor is not for your child.  I have had several instances where I have taken my son to so called specialists only to find that they definitely had no idea on how to treat my son, much less give me answers or treatable options.

It may also be that your family is less than supportive.  I get this from my clients all the time that family members are judgmental saying that our children are naughty, slow, unfriendly or just weird.  This can hurt as you rely on your family to be there for you and supportive.  This is one of the things I coach my clients on.  To let go of the expectation they have of family members and how to deal with it in a positive way.  I also show my clients how to go about educating close friends and family and how they can support you, if they are open to it.

Acceptance calls you to step into a version of you that you have no idea of how to become, but you are willing to learn.  It requires you to be strong, versatile and a fighter for your child and for you.  Most of us are not born with these qualities, having a child on the spectrum requires us to become and embrace these qualities.  And let me tell you, there is nothing negative about becoming this person.  You become an effective advocate for your child and your child sees that and appreciates that, even though you think they don’t.

Being a parent to an autistic child or children is a beautiful thing, if you let it be.  Yes it is difficult and sometimes brutal, but we can learn to embrace and keep strong and have an amazing life, despite it.

Till next week.

A

Xxx

PS Acceptance does not always come easily, but it be reached with more clarity and ease.  I can help you become the parent and person you need to be to effectively help your child.  Sign up for a free consult now. Click HERE.

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