Setting Priorities: Finding What Truly Matters in Autism Family Life

If you’re anything like the parents I coach, you probably feel like there’s never enough time. Between therapy appointments, school meetings, meltdowns, meals, work, and just trying to breathe—your days are full.

But what if I told you there actually is a way to create more time?
It doesn’t come from adding hours to the day—it comes from getting your priorities straight.

What Are Your True Priorities?

A priority is simply what’s most important in your life—what should come first.
Simple enough, right? But here’s where it gets interesting: most of us think we know our priorities… until life starts spinning and everything feels urgent.

When my son Max came home from the hospital, I thought my priority should be being with him 24/7. Every waking moment was about helping him.
But do you know what happened?
I burned out. My health suffered. And ironically, I wasn’t showing up well for Max because I was running on empty.

I had to get honest with myself. Yes, Max’s care was important—but my mental and emotional well-being had to come first. Because if I wasn’t okay, nobody was.

That shift changed everything.

Your Number One Priority Doesn’t Always Need the Most Time

Here’s something that might surprise you: just because something is your number one priority doesn’t mean it needs the most time.

Think about it—your health might be your top priority, but that doesn’t mean you spend eight hours a day at the gym. It might only need one hour of focused attention.

The right question isn’t “Am I spending the most time on this?”
It’s “Am I giving this enough time to create the results I want?”

Maybe your top five priorities look something like this:

1. Your physical and mental well-being
2. Your child’s emotional safety and development
3. Your marriage or partnership
4. Your work or financial stability
5. Your extended family and friendships

The key is to give intentional time to what matters most—not equal time to everything.

Prioritising Within Priorities

You can even set priorities within each area.

For example, many autism parents tell me their priority is their child’s development—so they pour their time into speech therapy or academic goals. But when we dig deeper, we often discover their true top priority is helping their child feel safe and regulated.

Because let’s be honest—nothing else matters if your child is stuck in fight-or-flight mode.

One mum I coached said, “My priority is my son’s autism.”
I asked her, “Okay, but what’s your number one priority within that?”
She realised she’d been so focused on “fixing” behaviours that she’d lost sight of connection. Once she made emotional connection her focus, everything shifted. The behaviours started improving naturally because her son felt safer and understood.

Why Balance Is Overrated

Here’s something that gets me funny looks every time I say it:
There’s no such thing as balance—and we shouldn’t try to achieve it.

When you try to give equal attention to everything, nothing gets enough energy to truly thrive. You end up doing a hundred things at 60%, instead of a few things at 100%.

What works better is thinking in seasons.

Right now, maybe your health is your top focus. That doesn’t mean you stop being a parent or partner—it just means when decisions need to be made, health wins.

Last year, for example, our family moved to the US. My focus was getting Max settled, finding new routines, and handling all the logistics. My business still ran, my marriage still mattered—but my attention was intentionally weighted toward that season’s priority.

The magic happens when you stop chasing “balance” and start embracing intentional seasons.

Urgent vs. Important

This one is huge—especially for autism families.

We often confuse urgent with important.
The school calls—urgent.
A meltdown happens—urgent.
Your inbox pings—urgent.

But urgent doesn’t always mean important.

If you’re always reacting to what’s loudest, you’ll never make progress on what matters most. The more urgent fires you’re putting out, the less time you’re spending on long-term calm and planning.

Here’s the truth:
The more urgent your life feels, the less intentional your planning has been.
And the less planning you do, the less attention you give to what truly matters.

Realignment Exercise

Here’s a simple exercise I give to my clients:

1. Write down your top five priorities.
   Not what you think they should be, but what your heart says they really are.
2. Track your time for one day.
   Write down how you actually spend it.
3. Compare the two.
   Are you living in alignment with your priorities? Or are you letting urgency and habit take over?

Then remind yourself:
You don’t have to do anything.
You choose to.

You choose to go to that meeting.
You choose to respond to that email.
You choose to attend that family event.

Once you recognise that your time is a series of choices, everything changes.

Ask Yourself…

If you had six months to live, how would your priorities change?
If you were looking back at 100 years old, what would you regret not doing?

Is it being more present with your child?
Taking better care of your own needs?
Healing your marriage?
Pursuing that dream you’ve shelved?

Whatever it is, you can start making it a priority today.

Final Thoughts

When you live in alignment with your true priorities, life doesn’t just get easier—it becomes more beautiful.
You’ll feel calmer, more connected, and more purposeful.

You have permission to put yourself first sometimes.
You have permission to say no to good things so you can say yes to great things.
You have permission to tip the scales toward what matters most.

If this resonated with you, share it with another parent who needs the reminder.
And if you’d like help getting clear on your own priorities or creating systems that actually work in your autism family life, I’d love to support you.
Book a free consultation to see how coaching can help you create more ease, calm, and time for what truly matters.

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