I felt not Good Enough: Finding Your Worth as an Autism Parent

Do you ever hear that whisper in your head—the one that says, “I’m not good enough”? If you’re an autism parent, chances are you’ve felt it more than once. I want you to know right from the start: you’re not alone, and you’re not broken.

So many parents I work with share this same struggle. It isn’t usually about one particular thing—like handling meltdowns, navigating IEP meetings, or managing sensory overload. Instead, it’s a sweeping, painful belief: “I’m just not good enough as a parent.”

I know this feeling well. I remember leaving one of Max’s developmental paediatrician appointments years ago, replaying every moment in my head. I had stumbled over answers to the doctor’s questions, forgotten important details, and walked out thinking, “What kind of mother can’t even answer basic questions about her child?” Maybe you’ve had a moment like that too.

The Comparison Trap

It’s so easy to look around and convince ourselves that everyone else is doing a better job. Social media doesn’t help—there are autism parents who seem to have it all together: colour-coded visual schedules, sensory rooms built from scratch, kids who appear to be thriving.

But here’s the truth: there isn’t some cosmic scoreboard ranking us as parents. There’s no judge or jury deciding who the “best” autism parent is. When we believe otherwise, we inevitably place ourselves at the bottom of that ladder. And the more we believe we’re failing, the harder it is to show up effectively for our kids.

Worthiness Isn’t Earned

Here’s a radical thought: every single autism parent is 100% worthy. Always. Full stop.

When your child was born, you were worthy. When you received the autism diagnosis, nothing about your worthiness changed. When you lose your patience, forget a strategy, or compare yourself to other parents—you’re still worthy.

Your worth doesn’t increase because you found the perfect therapy, nor does it decrease because you didn’t. You are not on trial. You are already good enough.

Parenting From Worthiness

This doesn’t mean we stop learning, growing, or finding better strategies. The difference is the motivation. If we believe we’re not good enough, every effort becomes about proving our worth. But when we know we’re already worthy, growth is about creating a better experience for ourselves and our children.

I’ve lived both sides of this. When I parented from “not good enough,” I was exhausted, constantly comparing Max to others, and endlessly beating myself up. When I shifted to parenting from “I am already worthy,” I saw Max more clearly. I chose what actually worked for him, not what I thought a “good autism mom” should do. And the whole experience became lighter, more connected, more real.

Breaking the Cycle

Why do so many of us feel “not good enough”?

• Pressure from experts: Early intervention is presented as make-or-break, and that weight can feel crushing.
• Social media comparisons: We see the highlight reels, not the messy reality.
• Conflicting advice: Everyone seems to have an opinion, leaving us second-guessing our every move.

But none of this defines your worth. Your child’s meltdowns, developmental delays, or challenges are not evidence that you’ve failed. Their autism is not a reflection of your inadequacy.

Practical Shifts You Can Make

• Catch your thoughts. Notice when you think, “A better parent would have prevented this.” Ask yourself, “Is that true? Is there any parent who prevents every meltdown?”
• Separate behaviour from worth. Your child’s challenges are about neurology, not your parenting.
• Keep a “good enough” journal. Write down moments you showed up with love, creativity, or courage. These reminders help balance your perspective.
• Speak kindly to yourself. Offer yourself the same compassion you’d give another autism parent going through a hard day.

The Ripple Effect

Our children are watching us. They learn how to treat themselves by watching how we treat ourselves. If we want them to know they are worthy exactly as they are, we must model that same truth in ourselves.

When I started embracing my worth, I noticed Max seemed more at ease too. He tried harder things, worried less about failing, and accepted himself more fully. Our worthiness affects not only us but the entire family dynamic.

You Are Enough

So here’s what I want you to take away: you don’t have to earn your worth as an autism parent. You already have it. You are not just “good enough.” You are the exact parent your child needs—flaws, mistakes, imperfections and all.

When the “not good enough” thoughts come, pause. Challenge them. Replace them with truth: “I am already worthy. I am already enough.”

And remember, you don’t have to do this alone. There is a whole community of parents walking this journey with you, and together we can remind each other of what is already true: you are exactly who your child needs.

If you find yourself stuck in the cycle of “not good enough,” I want you to know you don’t have to stay there. Inside my Autism Parent Intensive, we work together 1:1 to quiet the self-doubt, build confidence in your parenting, and create systems that support both you and your child. You don’t need another therapy schedule or endless comparison — you need the belief that you already are the right parent for your child, and tools to parent from that truth.

💌 Ready to step into that? Click HERE to book your consultation and let’s start your journey to parenting from worth, not worry.